I love our "bonus room" ... it's decidedly quiet, and you can hear the leaves rustling outside its open windows today. It's just cool enough to be able to enjoy the fresh breeze that's rolling into our upstairs.

So today I sit in front of our computer and am feeling as though it's a divine moment. Why you ask? Today, when I heard that still small voice urging me up the stairs to share this with you, I went. And I'm here in my big black chair. And its where I'm s'posed to be. Finding, or making, time to rest and reflect is something that I'm ravenous for these days, but I never seem to give myself permission if I actually have 10 or 30 minutes to be ...

You know what I mean ... Between the laundry, the boxes from our move a year ago that still aren't unpacked, the cluttered desk, the kitchen that's screaming to be painted, the winter clothes that are begging to be packed away until next year, the kitchen floor that is still unhappy about the syrup that my son dribbled on it very studiously this morning, the photo album that I want to create for my honey of our first few years of marriage and the phone calls that should be made, it just seems ridiculously impossible sometimes to sit and be.

Of course, all of what I just mentioned is important, some of it even fun. But, being the half-introvert/half-extrovert that I am, I've known for years that reflection and rest are critical for me to be able to continue giving ... anything! And I have to make time for it -- and for years I was stubbornly protective of my time -- and my time with my Father especially. So what happened? I added a few more roles to my identity. Wife, mother, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law ... and somehow believed that if I could just get the next thing done ... THEN I could sit and rest. My friend Emily calls it "choosing rest" and oh how dead-on that is. It is a choice to let the laundry wait, the dust sit there and the kitchen sink wait to be shined ...

Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one that struggles with this -- and yet, I know that other friends of mine fight the same battle ... it just feels like they win more often. And, while I've reaped the benefits of my own creativity and spontaneity over the years, I seem to be having a hard time incorporating that part of myself that I love - and that God created me to be -- into this new season of life. Why is that? Do I hold on to the past so incredibly hard that I can't see the reality of the day that's been given to me? Or do I rebel so much against a schedule and real structure that I can't enjoy the ironic freedom that it might bring?

Whatever the reason, my prayer these days is that the Lord would assist me in the seeing the joy in the moments of every day. That He would prioritize my seconds, minutes, hours and days ... because when I try to I often end up exhausted and spent. And who wants that? I enjoy spending time with my son and am blessed to be able to watch him grow 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. One day I know I will long for these years again. I'm sure of it.